


Colors In Mischief

by thelotuseaters



Category: Dark (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Lesbian Relationship, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:14:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25419790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelotuseaters/pseuds/thelotuseaters
Summary: Jana Nielsen confessing her true feelings towards Claudia or the moment she realizes Claudia was always the one she truly loved.
Relationships: Claudia Tiedemann/Jana Nielsen
Comments: 5
Kudos: 15





	Colors In Mischief

**Author's Note:**

> \- This pairing wasn't really a thing until a week ago when I finished watching Dark and fell completely in love with Claudia Tiedemann, so of course I was craving for some F/F fanfiction about her, guilty as charged. So someone came up with a very good idea (brigada, mariantonia) about Jana being secretly in love with Claudia. I thought 'well, I have to write this' and here it is!

_1953 -_

_Claudia Tiedemann was unknown, a mystery to be solved even though Jana had been a friend of hers since an early age. She didn't remember when and how it happened, all she knew was that Claudia had always been there and, at some point, they became quite close. But not close enough, Jana had always known, given that Claudia never let her in. She would often wonder what sort of friendship was that, a friendship that grew between two complete strangers. Jana thought she probably misunderstood the real meaning of friendship, started to rebuild the puzzle and put every single piece in its correct place. What she assumed was that friendship isn't about knowing, but about understanding. Jana was young, only eleven years old at the time, but she felt proud of herself for finally figuring it out._

_But there was one piece missing, she didn't understand Claudia at all. Now, standing outside her door as she waited for Claudia to hear the bell, Jana felt somehow betrayed by her friend._

_Footsteps from the inside brought her back to the poor reality and it was Claudia, opening the door and giving space for Jana to step in. The redhead girl had her hair down, not the usual braids she used to appear with. Jana was puzzled with the view, her friend would only let her hair down when going to bed. How strange, she thought, then wondered if Claudia was doing this to please Tronte. For a fragile second, she pictured the boy telling Claudia that he would rather see her red hair falling freely over her shoulders instead of two tight braids. And, of course, at the very beginning of puberty as she was, Claudia would do whatever the boy she fancied asked, just to make him happier. Surprisingly, Jana and Tronte were in agreement about something involving Claudia for once, it was way better than the braids._

_"Your hair..." Jana trailed off, a look of wonder on her face. "It looks nice."_

_"Thank you", Claudia robotically replied, almost as if she hadn't heard the compliment at all. Then, the redhead girl, without asking for any permission, broke into Jana's private space and took off her friend's coat for her. Jana, without showing any sign of surprise, although she slightly jumped after the sudden move, just stretched her arms and let Claudia do her task, which she quickly finished._

_"Let's tell my mother that you're here, then we can go to my room", Claudia offered a polite smirk before taking Jana by the hand, leading her through the house._

_When they reached the kitchen, they had a glimpse of the new Tiedemanns' tenant, Agnes Nielsen and Claudia's mother, Doris, sharing a rather intimate moment. They were both cooking when Agnes suddenly turned to Doris and placed a lock of her hair behind the ear. Jana was somehow fascinated by this entire scene, which ended as fast as the wind passing by, but it stayed in her memory like an old song playing over and over again. Of course, they cleared her throat and increased the distance between them as soon as they noticed the two girls standing there, staring at them._

_"Oh...", Doris straightened her dress and hair, as if anything was out of place. "Hello, Jana. You're here for the tuition, right?", Doris tried to exchange a look with Agnes, but the woman wasn't looking at her._

_Jana nodded mutely._

_"Yes, she is. We're going to my room", Claudia spoke for her. The strength in her voice was ignoring the scene they had witnessed. She grabbed Jana by the hand again and they headed to the stairs._

_"I see you at dinner", they heard Doris' voice distantly. Claudia, surely, didn't bother answering her mother._

_Now they were in her room. Jana with her head down, pretending she was focused on her homework while Claudia just watched her. The redhead would have a bunch of classmates coming over, along with their respective mothers pleading for help since their children didn't appear to learn from the actual teachers. So Claudia took the job of tutoring those other kids, Jana was one of them. She liked it and thought Claudia was great at passing on her knowledge. This probably gave her the confidence she needed, and now Jana believed it was the explanation for Claudia's arrogant attitudes._

_There was no way she was born like this. A baby, Jana thought, was pure and free of arrogance. Claudia, even so young, built this character for herself, not ever allowing people to get to know her. As if reaching for something she could not have, Jana looked up and found Claudia staring at her expectantly, but as soon as she noticed that this look on Jana's face was unrecognizable, Claudia arched an eyebrow._

_"I'm done", Jana said quietly, handing over her newly finished homework. Claudia grabbed her red pen and started analyzing her friend's calculus. But Jana saw Claudia moving the pen only once, a quick move, then she handed back the papers._

_"You got them all right except for X is not supposed to be here", Claudia pointed with her red pen. "But here", she looked at Jana, waiting for her friend to confirm she understood, which she did. "You're getting better, Jana. You must tell your mother", Claudia smirked again, but this time it felt truthful as if she was indeed pleased by her friend's new achievement or pleased with herself. It didn't matter, Jana was glad she made Claudia smirk a little._

_"Thank you. You're a good tutoress", Jana smirked back. They just stayed like that, it was strange, yet comfortable. Until a lock of red hair fell over Claudia's left eye, the brown one. It reminded Jana of the moment in the kitchen between Agnes and Doris and how intimate they seemed. At that time and at that age, Jana thought of it as a gesture of affection, true and pure affection between two friends and nothing else. So her hand reached for Claudia's lock of hair and placed it behind her ear._

_Claudia's heterochromatic eyes widened._

_"What are you doing?", she said._

_"What do you think they were doing? Agnes and your mother?", Jana asked and it was a genuine question. She didn't mean to sound sarcastic, but Claudia couldn't — gladly though — read her mind. The redhead frowned, she appeared to understand something that Jana didn't, as usual._

_"We don't have time for this", Claudia rose to her feet, then walked towards her bookshelf. "There's a new chapter to read, page 33."_

_After that day, they never spoke of it again. Just as Jana tried to never think of it again. At least to never think of Agnes and Doris and what awakened within her that day, which scared both her and Claudia. Jana had always known the truth, although she couldn't understand it at first, like when you ride a bike without thinking of how you learned that. She knew she was never interested in Tronte, she was interested in what Claudia saw on him. Jana understood he was a boy and that was supposed to be natural for any girl, to be interested and try to catch their attention. That's what she tried to accomplish anyway, but with subliminal intentions. Intentions that once Jana realized, the moment she remembered how she learned to ride a bike, she tried to bury them forever._

* * *

_1986 -_

Two months after Mads' disappearance, when life suddenly turned upside down and seemed to be repeating itself. Throughout the years, Jana had to deal with a lot of losses, lots of pain. At thirteen, she lost her mother, Marie, whose heart suddenly stopped when she was asleep. Her mother, for as kind-hearted as she was, seemed to live in a tiny world, always thinking of life as a circle of birth, marriage and motherhood. Jana had gone through all those three, with the bigger half of her expecting that her mother's words were true, that Jana would be happy and have everything once she completed the circle.

Now Jana had lost Mads as well. She believed he would come back, alive or not, one day. With that, she thought happiness was nothing but a sentiment of longing, something that couldn't even be seen through a microscope, something that couldn't be touched anymore.

A feeling of nostalgia, of déjà vu, took over her. Jana felt, somehow, that she had done it before. Here, standing outside Claudia Tiedemann's door once again. It was enough for her to remember the day she promised herself she would forget, but that was not possible. There were three events in life that Jana was sure she would remember as clear as the sunrise, her mother's death, Mads' disappearance and the day she touched Claudia's hair uninvited. And life, repeating itself, brought her to Claudia's door and she knocked.

Nothing, then she knocked again.

After some even longer seconds, the door flung open and the very woman Jana hoped to see was standing there. Claudia was still wearing her formal shirt and trousers, and Jana could see over the other woman's shoulder her blazer resting on one of the chairs. She probably had just arrived from work. Claudia was a bit surprised, her hand still holding the knob tightly.

"Jana...", her voice almost failed her.

"Claudia...", now Jana's was way more audible and firm, quite the opposite of the old days.

"Can I help you?", now the expression of shock was gone, Claudia sounded serious and suspicious, almost as if she already knew where this was going.

"Yes", Jana lifted her chin a little. "Can we talk?"

Naturally, Claudia hesitated for a few seconds. She looked the woman in front of her up and down, Jana felt a little out of balance after that, but she tried not to show any of it. Then, Claudia stepped aside, surprising Jana and probably herself too. "Of course", she said.

Jana looked around, she realized she had never been in Claudia's house before. It looked like her, smelled like her. The walls painted in pastel colors, far too many curtains and a distant feeling of emptiness. The place was bigger than Jana's own house, but the emptiness, somehow, was the same. She turned around and found Claudia leaning against the door, carefully watching her. She seemed nervous. Well, that made the two of them, Jana thought.

"Do you want something to drink?", Claudia desperately broke the silence. Jana was glad she did, it was bothering her too, although her mind was always being loud.

"No, thank you. I'm okay", Jana's voice was gentle. Good, because she wasn't there to fight.

"All right", Claudia said. And after staring at Jana for nearly endless seconds, she gestured for the other woman to sit on the couch. Jana sat, timidly as she watched Claudia doing the same. It was all very awkward as if they were meeting for the first time and now was the perfect moment to ask about one's favorite song or one's family. And tense and pressured as Claudia was at that moment, she did exactly that.

"How's everyone at home?", she took a deep breath. "How are you?"

"You can only imagine", Jana's eyes met Claudia's for a brief second, but they quickly looked away.

"I'm sorry about Mads. I should've said it before", Claudia sighed and it felt sincere. Her face seemed tired, exhausted even after a long day, but there was some real concern hanging in there. Real affection, perhaps, but Jana didn't have the strength to go further on reading Claudia's expressions. She had given up on that a long time ago.

"I always leave the front door open, waiting for him to come home...", Jana said as she stared into nothingness, not sure if she was now speaking to Claudia or herself. "Tronte thinks this is stupid of me, but a mother can only hope."

It was pretty visible that Claudia switched awkwardly on the couch, probably at the mention of his name. Jana couldn't blame her, he made them both uncomfortable.

"It's not stupid, Jana", she placed a hand on the space between them. "You're right, he might come back anytime", Jana wasn't sure about who Claudia was trying to convince, but she appreciated the effort anyway. She breathed, deeply, closed her eyes for such an insignificant second that Claudia didn't even notice. It was time to bring up the topic she had in mind for a long time now.

"I know he was with you the day Mads disappeared", Jana said bluntly, but she avoided eye contact. Of course, she could sense silence was coming, since there was nothing Claudia could say except for--

"I am..."

"Sorry?"Jana cut her off and turned to finally, properly look at her, but Claudia was staring at the floor, cowardly so. This almost brought her to tears, tears of rage. She wanted to yell, she felt unpowered, she felt angry and... She felt too many things, but showed none. It was the moment Jana realized she was no different from Claudia. They were both sitting there, two victims of their damaged paths. "When did everything go wrong?"

Claudia looked up, now a little intrigued. "What do you mean?"

"All my life, I've always had this feeling of making the wrong decisions..."

The hand that was once resting on the empty space on the couch, reached for Jana's hand and squeezed it slightly. Jana looked down at their hands intertwined, clearly paralyzed by Claudia's surprisingly warm skin against hers. "It's over, Jana. That was the last time, it will never happen again. I was being selfish, hurting you like that..." Claudia paused and her gaze fell upon their hands. "You never hurt me."

At that, Jana slightly chuckled. Claudia arched an eyebrow that pretty much said 'what?'

"I thought I hurt you once."

"What are you talking about?", Claudia pulled her hand back. Jana looked at hers, now resting all alone on the couch.

"The day we caught Agnes and your mother in the kitchen. I touched your hair and I scared you away...", now she looked up to find blue and brown eyes gazing at her with a mix of confusion and wonder. "I thought I hurt you that day, offended you."

Claudia now had the face of someone who was putting the pieces together, but she was not there yet. "No, you did no such thing", and it felt truthful, which was a relief for Jana.

"But you knew about them...", Jana affirmed but sounded just like a question.

"Yes, I didn't understand. But I knew there was something different."

"They looked happy..." Jana just let it out, what she had been thinking for thirty-three years. Claudia, though, didn't seem shocked by what she just said. She seemed sad, a sight that quickly vanished when she shook her head.

"But why do you still remember this?", Claudia asked.

It was the moment, finally. Jana had imagined it all before, how it would happen, how Claudia would react after the whole truth. There were plenty of different scenarios, the first one Jana would scare her away again, the second one Claudia would ask Jana to leave and the third was about a kiss. A not quite passionate kiss, but an honest and patient one, simple, yet full of complexity. It was the last Jana came up with because she felt that would never happen, she felt Claudia would rather say something that would hurt both of them instead of accepting the truth. But Jana had to do it anyway, she had come too far by now.

"You probably think that I'm here to ask you to clarify whatever happened between you and Tronte, that I will ask you to leave us alone, but that's not it. It was never about Tronte, Claudia. It was about you...", Jana swallowed hard, ignored all her insecurities and decided to look at Claudia, who still seemed puzzled. The woman was so clever, yet she couldn't see the obvious. So Jana just continued. "I also thought I loved Tronte because I had this strong desire for marrying him, I thought about our wedding day and night. I was so obsessed with this new desire that I didn't realize the true reason behind all of it."

"And which was?", Claudia asked.

"I married Tronte so he wouldn't marry you since _I_ couldn't. It was you, all this time. I suppose we were both selfish", Jana finished and watched Claudia open and close her mouth at least twice, trying to say something and failing hard. Jana was glad she wasn't scared or kicking her out, but she wasn't happy with this situation either.

"I... Jana, I had no idea", Claudia trailed off.

"Neither did I. I spent three decades to find out who's fault was it, but it was nobody's. It was not mine, not yours, not even Tronte's."

Then, all of a sudden, Claudia kneeled before her, almost her entire body leaning against Jana's legs. It happened so fast that Jana didn't even have time to react, she just observed the other woman mutely. Their eyes met, locked and there was a feeling of everything falling into place as if time had stopped for a single second. Jana placed her hand on top of Claudia's, slowly closed her eyes and felt the other woman's pulse, the proof of her life dancing under her fingers. She was overwhelmed, nervous, her own pulse probably beating as fast as Claudia's.

And then suddenly lips met lips, and they locked, it was everything falling into place. They stayed like this for a moment, until Claudia's mouth asked for permission to deepen the kiss, which Jana gladly granted. It felt warm just like Claudia's hand on hers, it felt like being hit by a giant wave and when Claudia climbed up on the couch to meet with Jana's body, hands were already everywhere. Behind the neck, going up and down arms, and finally, Jana's quicky fingers found the buttons of Claudia's white shirt and unbuttoned the first one. When she reached the third, Claudia stopped her, along with the kiss and everything else. She slowly rose to her feet, trying to cover what was left open on her shirt. Her hair was a little messy now.

"We shouldn't do this now....", Claudia said, having trouble with looking at Jana in the eye again. Of course, Jana understood, it was not the best moment, but all moments were surely not the best. She spent too long picturing all kinds of scenarios and they all happened.

"I know..." Jana sighed. "I expected you to push me away", at that Claudia looked a little insulted, but they both knew it was perfectly possible.

"That wouldn't be fair."

"No, it wouldn't. But I'm used to it", Jana's words carried along with them years and years of sadness, but they came out of her mouth as if she was talking about the rain. Claudia walked towards her, now that they were standing so close, Jana noticed the redhead was taller than her and only now she properly smelled her perfume, a sweet yet discreet scent.

"I don't want you to think I did this because I feel sorry. I do feel sorry, but it's the not the reason", now Claudia looked down at Jana's lips for a second, then found the brunette's eyes again. "I think we belong together."

There were nearly countless events that Jana was sure it was life repeating itself. The feeling of déjà vu was always there, when she saw Agnes and Doris in the kitchen, when she placed the lock of hair behind Claudia's ear, her wedding and the birth of her boys, Mads' disappearance and so it went on and on. But this felt new, it had never happened before, she had never heard Claudia saying those words. She was certain of it.

Jana, then, genuinely smiled and placed a lock of hair behind Claudia's ear.

"I never believed anything else."

**Author's Note:**

> \- I changed the original quote ''I think we're the perfect match'' because I can't picture Claudia saying this, I'm sorry, but I have my ways!  
> \- Comments and suggestions are always appreciated!


End file.
